It’s hard to write for a blog when you’re actually sitting
there, pen in hand, telling yourself, “write something for your blog.” It’s
almost as if when it comes to these things, your brain is trained to act
oppositely. I can’t for the life of me think what I might right- mainly because
something I’d write just for me- in a journal- is completely different to
something I could write about online, to a whole bunch of randoms. Mainly
because it would be waaay to personal and waaay to inappropriate. I was thinking about writing, for my second
ever blog post, something that I am passionate about- social action wise. But
then passions and interests kind of come under the same spectrum for me-
remember how I said I’m not an easily interested person? This applies also to
passions. I mean, it’s not like I’m ignorant. It’s not like I don’t care. There
are alot of things going on in the world that are messed up, that are wrong,
that make me super sad. Just nothing jumps out at me as my thing- nothing more
than another. So I sat for a while, forcing myself to think of something I
really care about. If I had to do something-what would I do? And as cliché as
it sounds- a light bulb went off in my head. What did I do my Social Science
Social Action Inquiry on? Isn’t that something you’re passionate about? Why,
yes, yes it is! My passion-social action wise- is to see the bullying teenagers
of the world thrown into a fiery pit,
where they are burnt to death, not quickly- a slow, painful, burny grave- and
the victimised teenagers rise up and take over what is rightfully theirs! Just
kidding, nothing that brutal, but I sure would like to see the end of this...
pathetic game way too many people find a sick kind of pleasure in. Of course, I
find that when someone is actually passionate about a certain issue in the
world, it’s because they have experiences- a story to tell. And what do you
know? I have a story to tell. Get comfy.
I don’t think alot of people would imagine me to have been
bullied nowadays- mainly because I don’t talk about it much and because I’m
almost an expert at avoiding potential bullies these days. Most everyone has
been bullied at some stage in their lives- be it something small like a name
every now and then, or something big- an actual group targeting you day after
day. All through primary school I was on and off bullied; it fluctuated between
‘something small’ and ‘something big’ between the years. I think the worst of
it was experienced somewhere between Year 5 and 6, but I still remember the
very first time I was quite certain I was hated. There’s a certain girl- and
because I still have things to do with her and don’t really want my millions of
followers to go and hunt her down- I’m going to give her a fake name. I think
Murgatroyd sounds nice. Yeah. So I was 5, and I was on the monkey bars and
Murgatroyd happened to be there. I don’t remember the back story to this but
from other things I can remember; a back story wasn’t required for her kind of
bullying. Anyway, she told me I was so ugly she wanted to kill me. I told the teacher, and she denied it and
said that I was a liar. So I was pretty innocent at 5, as most of us are, and
this was a whole new world to me- I’d never experienced something so horrible
because I’d never been exposed to it before- lies, hate, threats. I’d hate to
think how someone at 5 years old could bring herself to say something so...
nasty. But unfortunately, that is
reality. Some of us are born into loving, happy homes. But some of us are born
into violence, abuse, and unhappiness. I guess school in a way is meant to
expose you to that sort of thing, to different worlds- but it was still
probably one of the worst things someone’s done to me. Told me they wanted to
kill me. Murgatroyd, being a ‘family friend’- has been unavoidable my whole
life and I’m certain when I say she’s had a big part in who I am today- the bad
part. The part of me that always wonders if I’m accepted, if I’m actually liked
or if this is all a big joke. The part of me that whispers in my head ‘you look
so stupid right now,’ ‘no-one likes you.’
Let me get this straight though- it wasn’t just Murgatroyd
who bullied me- there are plenty of other people that did a whole lot of things
worse- but I am positive when I say she was either the leader, the
rumour-spreader, the inciter or the encourager behind every single one of the
incidents I was bullied. Coming from a small primary school it’s not as easy as
it seems to just ‘stay away’ or ‘stay out of that circle.’ I didn’t go looking
for her ever, it was like she came looking for me. Make a new friend, 2 weeks
later they’d hate me. I can think of 5 separate occasions that happened. And
who was their new friend who supported them on hating me? Well, it was
Murgatroyd of course. She even had my own cousin on her side for a few months
there. I guess I wondered what it was about me that made me the ‘chosen one’
and I assumed that it was my fault. I realise now that the fault lay in
Murgatroyd when it came to me being bullied. Was it extreme insecurity? Putting
me down made her feel bigger? Was it
Jealousy? Jealousy of my extreme good looks (thank you Ouma:P)? Was it just
because she was super messed up? I don’t know. And I don’t care anymore. It’s
on her. But looking back, there just wasn’t one good year that I can honestly
say I enjoyed. And being at the amazing special character school it was- the
teachers really stepped in when I went for help. I realise sarcasm is hard to
pick up on on the internet but that last sentence should be read sarcastically.
They called it ‘character building’, they called it ‘a part of life,’ they told
me ‘it’d blow over.’ They’re idiots. Yeah, the only time I saw any kind of
intervention was when apparently me and one of the friends she pulled over came
back to me and we had a meeting; us and Murgatroyd where I had to apologize for
bullying while she sniffled into her tissue and the teacher patted her on the
back. True story.
I realise that my experiences are like, a smidge on what
some kids have to go through every day of their lives- but it’s enough to make
me passionate as I can get about something. I know this will make a shocking
ending but I don’t really know what I’ve learnt from this- yet. It’s over now,
and it has been since I started high school. I pick my friends wisely, I treat
them like I wish I was treated when I was alone and I felt hated. Whether or
not they feel the same way. But there is something I want you- my reader- be
your location Germany, North America, potential Russians or New Zealand (because yes, i am going
viral) to do. I challenge you to be the change you want to see in the world. I
didn’t make that quote up but it’s pretty good, aye? The change I want to see
is the end of bullying and so I try my hardest to be nice to everyone (even if
I’d secretly rather never see them again in my life) and that’s how I wish
everyone was. If people could learn to keep their horrible opinions to
themselves, imagine how different the world could be. So please accept my
challenge. Think of the thing you most want changed in the world? Be it.
