Wanna hear a story?

It’s hard to write for a blog when you’re actually sitting there, pen in hand, telling yourself, “write something for your blog.” It’s almost as if when it comes to these things, your brain is trained to act oppositely. I can’t for the life of me think what I might right- mainly because something I’d write just for me- in a journal- is completely different to something I could write about online, to a whole bunch of randoms. Mainly because it would be waaay to personal and waaay to inappropriate.  I was thinking about writing, for my second ever blog post, something that I am passionate about- social action wise. But then passions and interests kind of come under the same spectrum for me- remember how I said I’m not an easily interested person? This applies also to passions. I mean, it’s not like I’m ignorant. It’s not like I don’t care. There are alot of things going on in the world that are messed up, that are wrong, that make me super sad. Just nothing jumps out at me as my thing- nothing more than another. So I sat for a while, forcing myself to think of something I really care about. If I had to do something-what would I do? And as cliché as it sounds- a light bulb went off in my head. What did I do my Social Science Social Action Inquiry on? Isn’t that something you’re passionate about? Why, yes, yes it is! My passion-social action wise- is to see the bullying teenagers of the world  thrown into a fiery pit, where they are burnt to death, not quickly- a slow, painful, burny grave- and the victimised teenagers rise up and take over what is rightfully theirs! Just kidding, nothing that brutal, but I sure would like to see the end of this... pathetic game way too many people find a sick kind of pleasure in. Of course, I find that when someone is actually passionate about a certain issue in the world, it’s because they have experiences- a story to tell. And what do you know? I have a story to tell. Get comfy. 

I don’t think alot of people would imagine me to have been bullied nowadays- mainly because I don’t talk about it much and because I’m almost an expert at avoiding potential bullies these days. Most everyone has been bullied at some stage in their lives- be it something small like a name every now and then, or something big- an actual group targeting you day after day. All through primary school I was on and off bullied; it fluctuated between ‘something small’ and ‘something big’ between the years. I think the worst of it was experienced somewhere between Year 5 and 6, but I still remember the very first time I was quite certain I was hated. There’s a certain girl- and because I still have things to do with her and don’t really want my millions of followers to go and hunt her down- I’m going to give her a fake name. I think Murgatroyd sounds nice. Yeah. So I was 5, and I was on the monkey bars and Murgatroyd happened to be there. I don’t remember the back story to this but from other things I can remember; a back story wasn’t required for her kind of bullying. Anyway, she told me I was so ugly she wanted to kill me.  I told the teacher, and she denied it and said that I was a liar. So I was pretty innocent at 5, as most of us are, and this was a whole new world to me- I’d never experienced something so horrible because I’d never been exposed to it before- lies, hate, threats. I’d hate to think how someone at 5 years old could bring herself to say something so... nasty.  But unfortunately, that is reality. Some of us are born into loving, happy homes. But some of us are born into violence, abuse, and unhappiness. I guess school in a way is meant to expose you to that sort of thing, to different worlds- but it was still probably one of the worst things someone’s done to me. Told me they wanted to kill me. Murgatroyd, being a ‘family friend’- has been unavoidable my whole life and I’m certain when I say she’s had a big part in who I am today- the bad part. The part of me that always wonders if I’m accepted, if I’m actually liked or if this is all a big joke. The part of me that whispers in my head ‘you look so stupid right now,’ ‘no-one likes you.’

Let me get this straight though- it wasn’t just Murgatroyd who bullied me- there are plenty of other people that did a whole lot of things worse- but I am positive when I say she was either the leader, the rumour-spreader, the inciter or the encourager behind every single one of the incidents I was bullied. Coming from a small primary school it’s not as easy as it seems to just ‘stay away’ or ‘stay out of that circle.’ I didn’t go looking for her ever, it was like she came looking for me. Make a new friend, 2 weeks later they’d hate me. I can think of 5 separate occasions that happened. And who was their new friend who supported them on hating me? Well, it was Murgatroyd of course. She even had my own cousin on her side for a few months there. I guess I wondered what it was about me that made me the ‘chosen one’ and I assumed that it was my fault. I realise now that the fault lay in Murgatroyd when it came to me being bullied. Was it extreme insecurity? Putting me down made her feel bigger?  Was it Jealousy? Jealousy of my extreme good looks (thank you Ouma:P)? Was it just because she was super messed up? I don’t know. And I don’t care anymore. It’s on her. But looking back, there just wasn’t one good year that I can honestly say I enjoyed. And being at the amazing special character school it was- the teachers really stepped in when I went for help. I realise sarcasm is hard to pick up on on the internet but that last sentence should be read sarcastically. They called it ‘character building’, they called it ‘a part of life,’ they told me ‘it’d blow over.’ They’re idiots. Yeah, the only time I saw any kind of intervention was when apparently me and one of the friends she pulled over came back to me and we had a meeting; us and Murgatroyd where I had to apologize for bullying while she sniffled into her tissue and the teacher patted her on the back. True story.

I realise that my experiences are like, a smidge on what some kids have to go through every day of their lives- but it’s enough to make me passionate as I can get about something. I know this will make a shocking ending but I don’t really know what I’ve learnt from this- yet. It’s over now, and it has been since I started high school. I pick my friends wisely, I treat them like I wish I was treated when I was alone and I felt hated. Whether or not they feel the same way. But there is something I want you- my reader- be your location Germany, North America, potential Russians  or New Zealand (because yes, i am going viral) to do. I challenge you to be the change you want to see in the world. I didn’t make that quote up but it’s pretty good, aye? The change I want to see is the end of bullying and so I try my hardest to be nice to everyone (even if I’d secretly rather never see them again in my life) and that’s how I wish everyone was. If people could learn to keep their horrible opinions to themselves, imagine how different the world could be. So please accept my challenge. Think of the thing you most want changed in the world? Be it.